Getting Clean

The joys of trying to get clean

First written in 2008 - Still on it!

So I am currently planning to get clean. 

Its been two years in the making so far since my last dismal attempt. I spent New Year in a detox centre going through hell and then within two weeks I was back on it. 

It was a Friday and I was at work. I remember getting into an argument at work with my boss and another member of staff and having to walk out the office because I was about to throw someone through a window. I went home hoping to talk about it with my old man and ended up having a massive row with him. 

I could have easily thrown him through a window as well. I'm quite a placid person on the smack but seem to flip out very easily when clean which is one of the reasons I always end up back on the gear, I get tired of waking up in police cells with sore fists. So I stormed out to avoid a fight and ended up scoring some gear.

Later that night I went home and at the back of a drawer found an old bottle of methadone. My Dad was supposed to clear my room whilst I was in detox but he had obviously missed this well hidden bottle. 

So feeling like shit and thinking I was probably getting the sack on Monday as well as thrown out the house in the morning I guzzled the lot down.

I didn't die or even OD just slept for the rest of the weekend. 

It was later that I realised the bottle was one I had watered down with the intent of selling it to get some score money. So I was saved by my own deviousness.

Anyway that was the end of that little drug free break in a 10 year period of opiate abuse. I am one of those people that when "clean" only need to dabble once for it to snowball back to heavy habit. It has taken me years to come to that knowledge but for some reason every time I will go through pure hell getting the shit out my body but within a couple of weeks will have forgotten that hardship. 

"One little boot won't hurt" seems to be a recurring sentence that always leads me back to where I am now today. 

Its something that I hope I can manage to stick to next time but knowing how my brain works when clean, which is totally different from now, means that the only chance I have of surviving those first 4-6 months off gear is by having one of those fucking expensive Naltroxone implants injected into my stomach. 

So if anyone wants to donate the £1000 needed then post a comment and if I get enough responses I might put one of those Paypal donate buttons up. Otherwise its another dastardly bank loan for me. 

Oh the joys of smack.

If only I could put aside some of that money I spend each day on it I'd have enough for 5 implants by October. But that aint going to happen is it. Thus the dilemma at the heart of my addiction. A score in the pin is always going to win. Laters.

Detox 5 and other magical detoxes

Detox 5 and other magical detoxes

Coming off heroin is easy I've done it lots of times...

Smack addiction is not an easy habit to kick and no-one should ever believe those adverts that promise to get you clean pain free within 5 days.

For a cost of £2.5k you will be locked in a room on a ward in a private "hospital" and for 4 and a half days force fed a little pot full of valium, quinine, britlofex and other pills every 2 hours whether you want them or not. Even if you're asleep you will be woken up to be given your meds along with a blood pressure test. On the Thursday at lunch time you will be given half a naltroxone tablet which will kick any remaining gear out your system and then you'll be offered a weetabix or two to eat. Friday lunch time you will have a little chat with the shrink to see if you have learnt your lesson given a couple months prescription of sleeping pills and out the door you go never to hear from them again.

If that sounds good to you then crack on but it doesn't work for most people. For one thing you're not asleep for the whole 5 days you just will have a hard time remembering going stir crazy, trying to break through then jump out the barred windows or getting strong armed back to your room when you go for a benzo induced wander to pass the time.

Plus the after care is shit. Why, because there is no after care. As I said at the beginning coming of gear is the easy part its the staying off that's the hard part. You need support and help as soon as your clean and its very easy to just walk out of the detox center up to the nearest big issue seller and score a bag. Either that or walk straight into the nearest pub and go bang on the pop because its the only thing that will stop your legs shaking from the naltroxone.

Some people try the naltroxone implants and I myself have tried both the the 6 month implants (at a cost of £1200 at the time) and the pills which my Mum used to have to force down my throat every morning. I used to be clever and hide them under my tounge and then spit them out until one day I accidentally swallowed one. I had to wait til she had cleared off before going to the toilet and trying to force myself to throw it back up. No joy. Half an hour later pure hell began.

If you have never ever wished death upon yourself to ease the pain of living then try taking a naltroxone with gear in your system.

Having fluids fly out of both ends with adrenaline pumping round your body and the sudden rush of feelings both mental and physical that come flying back to you as the opiates are kicked off those receptors by the heavy DM boot wearing naltroxone is enough to make you wish for a quick end. I literally crawled the half mile to the nearest dealers house and smoked £50 worth of brown just to take the edge off.

If you can handle that sort of cluck then at least its quick. A 5 day cluck in one day with the worst part over in the first 3 hours (if you survive).

The implant although expensive is better than the pills for the following reason. Once you have it in you there is no way you can cheat yourself unlike the pills which you can avoid taking. Therefore I found that I thought about doing it less because I knew I couldn't unless I cut it out of my gut (and I know 2 people who have done just that). However every so often I would still try a boot to see if it had worn off and you will find some implants last 6months and others like my first one did lasted almost a year.

Also if your implant goes tits up which they often do then there is no money back from the Stapleford Centre or Detox 5.

I know someone who a month after having the implant it started leaking its pellets into his gut. He was happy as it meant he could get a hit but his gut was infected and once he tried contacting them for a replacement they said he would have to pay. Remember these Naltroxone implants haven't actually been approved properly by our health service and often they get impounded on entering the country due to their semi legal status.

However pills or implant if you are not ready to get off it then there is no point in even trying. Doing it for someone else's benefit like a girlfriend or family just means you will spend that time cheating and plotting a way back to the gear and £2,500 is a lot of money to spend just to go back on the gear at the end.

Another thing about naltroxone is the overdose effect.

The only two times I have been to hospital due to overdosing it when I have had hits after stopping taking the naltroxone. You can stop the pills one day and bang up that day, the next day and the day after with no affect then on the fourth day you could have half a bag and go straight into a coma.

I also know some people who have done the Detox 5 trip to Spain in Alicante and been knocked out with injected meds and had the naltroxone implant sewn straight into their gut. They were supposed to be unconscious for the whole period but can remember going mad literally with the pain of the naltroxone kicking the smack out their brain literally. Once again does not remembering the event completely due to memory affecting meds actually equal a pain free experience? No I don't think it does and nor did they.

So there you have it. Not a medical opinion but my opinion on the matter as someone who has tried most detox methods.

As I said coming off smack is easy I've done it lots of times.